“It’s Not For Me”
Beware the “It’s not for me” mentality. While a certain sermon may or may not apply directly to you, that doesn’t automatically mean that it’s not for you.
The Scriptures affect us on multiple levels. Take our Wednesday night marriage series, for example. While each sermon may be felt and experienced at the direct level—your own marriage—there are nuanced “levels” to life. People’s views on marriage affect not only their own marriage, but American society at large—just look at where our culture has come over the past 70 years.
Go bigger, though. People’s views on marriage are also tied to the image of God and their view of Him. Whether or not you believe marriage is a spiritual covenant between one man and one woman for life won’t save or damn your soul, but it certainly reveals your beliefs about God. Marriage is not the Gospel, but it sure has close ties! It’s a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love for us, and that is applicable to all of us.
“It’s not for me” is never fully true. No matter what we’re discussing, at some level, it is about God and His relationship to mankind. So it is for you.
Married. If you are married, take the principles and apply them directly to what you do at home. Love your wife the way she receives love. Respect your husband as Christ commands. Cultivate your relationship by continuously dating.
Not married. For those who are not married, the institution of marriage itself is a valuable idea to study. Singles can prepare. Divorced can reflect, forgive, or purpose to grow from their past in some way. Widowed can reminisce. Sometimes being unmarried brings some discomfort—awkwardness, pain, anger—but I trust the Lord deeply enough to know that He is sufficient for each person’s needs. Trust Him fully.
Direct family. The next level out from your personal situation is your direct family—parents and siblings. Your view of marriage was shaped by your upbringing, but it may not always be biblical. Capture your thoughts about that husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend—good or bad examples, strong or weak relationships—and yield them to the Word of God.
Extended family. Not only does your direct family influence your views on marriage, your extended family does, too. Many of my own uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents had relationships that were wildly different than what I experienced at home. It was good for me to see, and it helped me learn what God wanted from a marriage.
Friends. This is your “inner circle,” and sometimes they are closer than family. The way “your people” believe about marriage will dramatically shape how you view it, so choose your group carefully.
Associations. This is the broader circle, and is the “pool” from which your friends come. This is the church, your work group, your classmates, or whatever community you are associated with more broadly. Do you think your views on marriage don’t affect them, or aren’t affected by them? Think again.
Community. As we broaden out further, you live in a neighborhood which is part of a town which is part of a community. We live in “this area” because of “these ideals.” Not that everyone agrees here, but it is what it is. Temecula and Riverside County are largely conservative, affluent, clean, and family-oriented. People move here specifically for the community values, or to get away from some rougher communities, and our community has been influenced by godly views on marriage—even if these very communities don’t recognize God!
State. I’d say the next level would be a state. People choose to live in certain states because of the laws that are on the books—laws about marriage, reproduction, taxes, and gender are laws connected to the home, and voters vote their values. Politics is downstream of culture, so the laws reflect the spiritual views of the masses.
Society. As each state goes, so goes our society—our nation. These states’ decisions eventually turn into the position of “the people,” and an entire nation can change in just one or two generations.
Culture. I separate culture from society because culture then becomes a way of life. It’s the air that we breathe and the way that we think, mostly without being conscious of it. As our nation has changed its views on God and marriage, so has each new generation, and it seems to be growing progressively worse—further and further away from biblical truth.
Look at where we were in America 70 years ago compared to now. Although Hollywood back in the 50s was still a cesspool of sin, immorality, and unfaithfulness in marriage, it was still largely hidden. Nowadays, sin is not only flaunted, but adored.
A public high school teacher from our church said that only 10 years ago, the buzzword was “tolerance.” “Let us do what we want, we’re not bothering you,” was the rally cry.
Now, he says, it’s “affirmation.” If you don’t affirm my beliefs, you are unloving. No, worse—you’re hurting me! Canada just this week passed a law that allows judges to pass down life sentences for speech crimes if they deem it hateful. Will silence soon be violence, according to Canadian law? “Affirm me!” is the rally cry.
Changed the truth of God into a lie. Romans 1 tells us that culture will call evil good and good evil—changing God’s truth into a lie. This culture refuses God—hates Him, even—and we are downstream of a lot of individuals not believing biblically about Him.
As Christ loved the church. Go bigger, though. People’s views on marriage are tied to the image of God and their view of Him. Whether or not you believe marriage is a spiritual covenant between one man and one woman for life won’t save or damn your soul, but it certainly reveals your beliefs about God. Marriage is not the Gospel, but it sure has close ties! It’s a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love for us, and that is applicable to all of us.
“It’s not for me.” “It’s not for me” is never fully true. No matter what we’re discussing, at some level, it is about God and His relationship to mankind. It just so happens that your view of marriage sure has a lot of cultural implications, so it’s wise of you to study it out for yourself.
Look more broadly and then decide for yourself, “Is this for me?” I believe it is.
-Pastor Ryan